Fog to Fire

I have a reader question to share today:

I’ve been “organizing” my stuff for pretty much my whole life. It’s a running joke among my friends. In a lot of ways, I have my internal stuff together, but I’m pretty sure the external struggle is mirroring something internal. Do you have any suggestions on how to start identifying what’s in my way?

And on another front: Although, I know what I need to do to lose weight (more exercise, better food in the right amounts), I struggle and continually fall into bad habits. I love many kinds of sports and exercise, and I love healthy food, so there is no hardship to living well in this way. Again, I’m wondering why I keep getting in my own way.

– GT

Well, GT, on the first one, I would like a little bit more info. What do you mean by “organizing” your stuff? You mean you clean house frequently? Or that you have a strong desire to sort through material things on a daily basis? Or something else?

In any case, I’d say that if you feel like this external behavior is really about something inside you, you’re likely right.

The first thing I’d suggest is to be aware next time you feel compelled to “organize.”

Just stop. Breathe in a few slow breaths. And ask yourself, “what do I REALLY want right now?” And then just be. Wait for an answer to come. Don’t *try* to figure it out. Just wait and listen to your heart.

And in truth, this is the same answer I’d give to your second scenario, especially when you’re thinking about eating something unhealthy (I do this a bit too often myself). Stop. Breathe. Ask and listen.

I think that many of us seek therapy because we’ve never learned how to do this, or because we keep forgetting. We need someone who is in the space with us, watching us have our reactions, to remind us to stop, breathe and listen.

Sure, we therapists do other stuff, too, but this is a big part of it. One of the most crucial things I learn again and again from my clients is that the answers about what you need come from within YOU.

Thanks for the questions, GT!

Anyone else out there have questions for the therapist?