How To Keep Your Inner Critic from Becoming a Bully

I haven’t posted for a few weeks, and there are two reasons. One is that I’m recouperating from the Business Startup Toolkit weekend workshop I organized and facilitated at the very end of July. (It rocked. Thanks for asking.)

The other reason is one I want to say a little more about. My inner critic has gotten a little pushy lately. Despite recent successes with my workshop and clients, I’m still hearing a little “what do YOU know about anything” backtalk from that guy. And boy, sometimes it’s hard to push past him to talk to you lovely people. I’m sure your inner critic sounds different from mine, but I think they’re all related, regardless of accents and eccentricity of language.

One of the toughest things people face during career transition is this bullying inner critic. It helps to realize that his job is to make sure you feel so crappy about yourself that you don’t take risks, you don’t make any changes, you don’t stand out…all so you can stay “safe.” Really, I think that’s his purpose: keep you safe by keeping you stagnant.

 

 

Well, sorry, critic, but movement is crucial to life. We all need to take some risks–to reach for even the lowest hanging star–once in a while. It’s by pursuing happiness that we remember that we’re alive.

So if this guy is getting you so down that you forget how fabulous and gifted you really are, I have a brief exercise for you:

• Sit down, get comfortable and work on visualizing him (or her).
• Picture his face, his hair, her clothing, her expression–really give your critic a three-dimensional body in your mind’s eye. Or you can even literally draw her, if you like.
• Hear her voice and what she sounds like. Does she sneer out her words or does he have a deadly whisper?
• Does she provoke a feeling in the pit of your stomach? Does the air grow colder when he shows up? Create all the aspects of this character, to the full extent of your imagination.

Do you see and hear and sense your inner critic? Good.

Now ask him what he wants from you and be open to hearing a response.

Just like any other part of you, the critic is most likely working hard to keep you safe, albeit through some mean words. But if you can reach out to the critic and listen in, you may hear some useful information. And when this feels complete, thank the critic and ask her to stand aside so you can move on with whatever you were working on.

Notice how she is just one part of you, but not YOU. The more you practice this exercise, the more you’ll be able to quickly identify when your inner critic is speaking, and you can choose whether you want to listen.