I was just on the radio with the lovely Leslie Irish Evans of Peeling Mom Off the Ceiling, talking about how to use a simple technique to change your emotional state in as little as five minutes.

Listen in to hear about my background and stay for the demo of Emotional Freedom Technique.

Check it out to hear me talk about energy work, the voices inside our heads, and the one thing we’re always trying to get more of.

Just click the little play button below.

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So how long is “feeling better” gonna take already?!!

I have good news and bad news on this one, my friends. Bad news first.

It will take longer than a cheeseburger. Longer than your internet download. Longer than most anything you could purchase with a “one-click-buy.”

This is also the good news.

What?

Yes, it is good news that your healing will take longer than some kind of instant gratifcation. I will tell you why, but first I’ll tell you how.

Let’s start with the fact that your particular healing is custom-made. It is completely, 100% tailored for you–your body, your mind, your heart. And as you know, customized work takes extra time because of the hand-crafting.

This isn’t machine-made, off-the-rack, or one of millions made in bulk. This healing is one-of-a-kind. It has to be, because otherwise it wouldn’t fit, right?

Then, speaking scientifically, which I’m terrible at, you’ve got a bunch of stuff inside your brain that tells you how to behave on a regular basis (we call that “patterns” in therapist lingo). And that stuff needs to be rewired if you want to have healthier patterns of behavior.

Would you really want that rewiring job to be a hasty one?! Nope, cause you’d probably end up thinking you could drink through your toes or something.

Also, there are likely a lot of aspects to why you’re not feeling great. So even though therapists and healers like me can help you get results pretty quickly (compared to the days of Freud and early talk therapy), it just takes some time, and more than a couple sessions to identify the things that aren’t working for you.

Yes, you have more than a few Things That Make You Feel Bad (TTMYFB). You might not feel them because, well, humans are geared to only be able to consciously hold a couple painful issues in their mind/body/heart at a time.

If you were aware of every single of of your TTMYFB, you’d probably overload your circuits. Therefore, these things just come up a few at a time, so they’re manageable. Trust me, it’s actually a good system. Your mind/body/heart is actually a marvel of engineering.

What about the “why”?!

Right, right: “why is it good that healing takes time?”

Because, whether you’re into believing this or not, our lives are about learning (and experiencing joy, but that’s another post). If you’re done learning, you’re done living.

If you’re still practicing and learning and repairing your past and present self, you still have a good reason to hang around in this lifetime. And I see that as a good thing.

Most of us go through years of spelunking and soul-searching to find a romantic partner or a best friend. And now you’re looking for someone that you may be confiding in even more. How are you supposed to find someone with whom you’ll feel safe doing such deep work, in a matter of days?

Here are a few of my thoughts on how to choose a therapist who will be ethical, trustworthy, and effective for you:

• Clarify Your Need
  It’s hard to find the right solution if you’re not sure what the problem is. So sit down and do a little inner questioning about what you want from therapy. Try to write down a couple thoughts about what you’re unhappy with or want to change, and what results you hope to get. This will give you something to hold on to while you do your research.

  BTW, it’s ok if you’re not clear about what you need or what you want. Sometimes that’s exactly the problem people want to work on.

• Do Some Research
  Use the internet to find some therapists in your area. This can be as easy as typing “therapist” and your city’s name into Google. I like doing online research because you get access to so much direct and indirect information.

  For instance, you can learn about a therapist’s location, manner of practice or specialties, and see a photo of them, but you can also get a sense of the person by the look and feel of their website and what they’ve written on it. Is it calm and friendly or no-nonsense and business-like? And which appeals to you? There’s no correct answer; just trust your gut.

  Here are some other things you should take note of from the websites you check out:

  – Hours and days of operation. Is he/she available when you can come in?
  – Type of service provided. Does she/he specialize or work on the type of thing you are wanting help with?
  – Cost and type of payment. Does the service fee fall into what you can afford? Do you need a therapist who takes insurance?
  – Education and qualifications. Is this person sufficiently credentialed to do this work?

  Also, if you feel comfortable doing so, try talking to your friends and family to see if anyone might have a good recommendation. Many great therapist/client connections begin with a trustworthy word-of-mouth referral.

• Make the Calls
  Now that you’ve done your research and have a short list of some therapists you think you might like, take advantage of the free consultation that most practitioners offer. Give each therapist a call to see how well you connect on the phone. Feel free to ask any questions that may have come up from your research, or tell them a very brief (1-2 minute) summary of what you want to work on.

  Don’t worry about what you should say too much: a good therapist should be able to direct that consultation call so that both of you get enough information to decide if it’s a good fit.

  Also, allow yourself time to make your decision. There’s no need to commit during this call. You can end the phone call by letting each therapist know that you’re doing some research and will get back to them if you decide you want to book an appointment.

• Trust Your Gut
  I know I’ve said this before, but it’s important. Studies show that the MOST helpful thing, by far, about psychotherapy is the relationship itself. Not the therapeutic method or technique, but simply the power of the connection between client and therapist. So allow yourself to choose someone who feels right for you.

These are the things that I advise therapy-seekers to consider, but there are more ways to go about finding the right practitioner. Check out these “how to choose a therapist” articles for other perspectives.

I crunched through four car accidents before I turned 18–always as a passenger! Since then, I’ve been a fearful rider; I feel fine when I drive, but when I’m in someone else’s car, I feel paranoid, vigilantly watchful (eg “look out for that car,” “you see that stop sign?,” etc), and often terrified. I’ve been an annoying side-seat driver and felt bad about it for years, but it never seemed like something I could help. My solution for many years was to just always be the driver.

This May, I was in Mexico City, riding in one of those super speedy, “what lane?” type of cabs when I thought of trying Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) on my car fear. After a couple rounds (taking ten minutes), I felt my stomach settle down, and I lost my cold sweat. I was able to relax and not worry about getting in an accident. Which, thank god, was great, because how does my worry keep us from getting in a crash?! It doesn’t. It just makes me miserable.

So what is EFT and how can you get some?

EFT is a short and simple method of saying a few words and tapping on some accupressure points on the upper body. Done slowly, it takes about five minutes for one round, and sometimes, all you need is one round to alleviate an issue.

I often use EFT with clients, and on myself, as a way to immediately reduce or eliminate a charged, unhelpful emotion. I say “unhelpful” because sometimes emotions are there to be felt and processed–they’re a necessary part of a learning experience. But my car fear, for example, was just a phobia…a short circuit in my energy/brain/body that wasn’t helping me in the slightest.

EFT is a tool that has changed my life and helped me de-traumatize and boost the capability of my clients. If you haven’t yet experienced its power to help you, I’m happy to introduce you to it for free. Just shoot me a line or give me a call and we’ll arrange a 20 minute demo, no strings attached. It’s my way of contributing to world peace, because, in the immortal words of Elle Woods, “Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t.”

If you want to know more without having to chat with me personally, you can watch me demonstrate EFT at the BizJam conference in Seattle.

A: That really depends on you and what you want to pursue. Some of my clients simply need a good conversation and some energy work to get them back on track. Others need to get in touch with their history in order to update and heal stuck parts, which can be very deep work. The good news is that we won’t need to spend hundreds of hours covering your entire life story. All of my work is results-focused, and you will begin to feel the difference within one or two sessions.

Q: So how does it work then?

A: We schedule a short phone consultation to see if we’re compatible. Then we meet at my office for our first exploration. You might choose one of my transformational packages that includes a planned tour of different healing methods.

Q: What if I don’t want more than one session?

A: You are never obligated to attend any sessions you don’t want. You are only asked to pay for sessions you have already enjoyed.

Q: What if I have a session scheduled and I need to cancel?

A: I do have a 24-hour cancellation policy for all sessions other than the brief consultation. If you let me know about your cancellation more than 24 hours in advance, I will not charge you.

Q: What kind of training do you have to do this?

A: I have a Master’s degree in Applied Behavioral Sciences from Bastyr University (through LIOS), which means I’m trained (both through experience and book-learning) as a psychotherapist. I have experience in developing and running two independent businesses. I have a great love for communication and people, especially independent business professionals.

Got other questions? Comment on this post or email me and I’ll answer them.