I was just on the radio with the lovely Leslie Irish Evans of Peeling Mom Off the Ceiling, talking about how to use a simple technique to change your emotional state in as little as five minutes.

Listen in to hear about my background and stay for the demo of Emotional Freedom Technique.

As you evolve in your life, trying to learn to trust your intution, your path seems to become much less….dependable. And not so much a straight-down-the-line-to-where-you-can-see-the-end walkway. It’s more like an invisible yellow brick road. And nobody else can see it or feel it but you.

So how DO you know or learn to trust that you’re going the right way?

Karen Floyd of Innate Design and I talked about this today on my Emotions in Small Business radio show.

Here are a couple gems from our chat:

• Try to release the self-judgement that you’re being “fickle.”
  You have to follow your passion and find your happiness, or else no one (not your clients, your family, or you) will be happy.
• Recognize that a closed door is guidance, too.
  Rather than take your pickaxe to the wood, consider that maybe this a sign that you’d be better served doing something else.
• Reframe your definition of yourself.
  I loved Karen’s clarification that she’s not “abandoning” anything, she’s simply adding passions to her life and career.

Be sure to listen to the end of the show, when Karen shares her Four Questions that help her decide whether to follow any opportunity.  I thought they were beautifully phrased, easy to remember, and insightful enough to show me where I get tripped up sometimes in my decisions.

In case you missed it, here’s the archived show I did today about the emotions around comparison and competition in small business life.

Here’s a summary of what I talked about:

When you’re in business for yourself, you need to look at who’s been there before you.What’s the competition doing and what is happening in the industry?

Trouble with that is most of us can get sidelined by negatively comparing ourselves to other people’s successes. It can look like this:

• “Man, she’s doing so well and it’s only been a couple years…why is it taking me so long to get that number of clients?”
• “I can’t believe so-and-so already has a book out…he’s so much more professional than me.”
• “Look at all those calls/sales/clients that he’s getting. Why didn’t I get that call?! All my business is going to him!”"

A lot of this negative thinking comes from a basic belief that there’s a finite amount of business out there (scarcity mentality), which can make any of us feel envious or even panicky. This belief drives the competition mindset, and from there, it’s only a small step to self-doubt and other sabotaging emotions.

So what can you do?

First, realign your beliefs and realize that you can choose to believe in abundant and unlimited resources. What’s helped me most is believing that no one out there can do it quite the way I can. Sure, there’s other therapists and healers out there, and there are certainly thousands of radio shows out there, but I bring my unique self to what I do, and that special combination is just what my potential clients were waiting for.

Next, stop devaluing your own accomplishments. Most of us diminish what we’ve done because, well, that was easy. I know, cause I’ve already done it.   Recognize that some people out there are looking at what you’ve done and are just as impressed/jealous/intimidated as you are about other people’s accomplishments. Successful business always looks more professional and amazing from the outside. So try and bring your “outside observer” perspective to your own business and achievements so you can really appreciate what you’ve done so far.

If you’re in that jealous competition mindset, try these tactics:

• Remember this is simply an emotional state. Emotions are temporary influences and you’re not always gonna feel like this. Sometimes you think you’re pretty cool, remember?!
• Remember that starting a business is a journey. The average business takes 3 to 5 years to become successful. 
• Get in touch with your personal supporters and receive the positive reinforcements they provide. Not only is it ok to need people to boost your mood, it’s pretty much required!

To prevent further hijacking by business success envy, try this:

• Before you start looking around at what your competitors are doing, prepare yourself for coping with this emotional state. Set yourself up mentally to track your own emotions and thoughts so you notice when you start going down a negative path. It’s easier to stop then.
• Remind yourself to keep an open mind. The most successful people in business, and in life, are those who remember that they are always open to learning. If you look at your colleagues’ successes as an open learner, you can see things as a lesson and perhaps find similar success, rather than fall into self-deprecation.
• Find community support of other people who are starting businesses. They’ll help you by providing validation of how you feel and keeping a realistic perspective.
• Lastly, give up the pressure and illusion of control. You can be doing everything right and still not have the success you want in the current moment. I believe that Spirit knows what it’s doing and I surrender to that higher power. It’s important for me to remember that I’m not doing this by myself…something greater is watching out for me.

Thanks to all who listened in. 

My next show is on Thursday, January 15th at 3pm Pacific Time, when I will be chatting with poet and freelance copyeditor Dorine Jennette.  I hope to chat with you then!

Whatever!

One of my visions for the new year is to dispell this idea that our emotions and businesses are separate things, that we can just keep them separate neatly in our cafeteria tray of life.

Join me on Blog Talk Radio this Thursday, December 18th at 3pm West Coast time as I lay down the truth about feelings in business life. I’ll be talking about my experiences, anecdotes from others, and I’ll answer your questions. Got one? Email it to me or tune in on Thursday and send it via chat.

 

I am so fired up about letting people know that emotions are a crucial part of being in business for yourself (let alone of being human in general)! There are so many people who start a business and then get sideswiped by the unexpected emotional impact of it.

Take a listen to our discussion and please let me know what you think.