What challenged me in this amazing exercise was not how big horses are, that there were no ropes or leads on them, or even my own expectation that I’d be able to lead them through force of will (…so NOT happening, by the way).

No, what challenged me was that the horses told me there’s still a way that I was not fully connected to my own inner power.

They saw, and reacted to, the fact that my initial contact with them was not as real as it could’ve been. I came forward with sweetness that was attempting to cover my own fear of making them startle. And they could feel the “hidden” fear, and therefore stayed away from me, in the beginning.

Once I saw this, I stopped in the middle of the arena and took time to ground myself, to drop my coping behavior, and to just be.

And lo and behold, Forest came trotting over to me.

So what does my experience have to offer you, my lovely readers?

I think it’s a story about how “fake it till ya make it” only works sometimes. It’s about how we can’t force deep connection, and trying to pursue it when there’s still turmoil inside ourselves is just going to scare the horses.

The next time I’m with them (and there will be a next time…I may even create an event, so let me know if you want to come with us!), I won’t be asking the horses to let me know that I’m ok.

I will start with validating myself, holding myself safe and nourished in my own Being, and trusting that the horses will come.

You may have heard this quote by Marianne Williamson a lot in the last few years. It hit me at a deep level when I heard it in the movie Akeelah and the Bee four or so years ago, and it’s stayed with me ever since.

I brought it up with a client today and our discussion got me wondering–is this really true?

Here’s what I think. I think we all have a part of us who IS afraid that we are inadequate. And we have a part that is afraid we are powerful. But now, why would it frighten us to be powerful?

I read “powerful” as “responsible.” I think when we are in a part that fears our inner power, we are worried about not being able to control that power, to wield it for good, to use it in Right Action. And this part of us worries about all that we could destroy…maybe even the world.

I say that our real goal is to attain full Beingness (you can call it Presence, Self, HIgher Self, Union with Spirit, or perhaps Enlightenment). When we are in our full Beingness, we have choice. We have options. And being able to sit among all our options and choose wisely IS power.

Our true power lies in our ability to clearly and calmly perceive our surroundings with deep compassion and wisdom. This compassion tells us we all spring from the same Source and this wisdom tells us that, no matter what our actions, Spirit has got us.

From this place, we can choose how to respond, whether it is to declare a deep “NO,” to place a loving hand upon a friend, or to simply sit in the moment.

And this place of full choice, full comprehension, and full heart…there is nothing scary about it.

* For those who do not know Marianne Williamson’s lovely passage, I’ve included the full quote below.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Those of you who know me, follow my blog or have been clients know that I’m nuts about the enneagram, a personality type system based on ancient Sufi wisdom that tells us about our spiritual life paths.

But I rarely talk about the enneagram on this site. It always felt…too big and complex to truly honor.

Now I know what I was really waiting for–this concept that my close friend and biz partner Dina and I created. It’s a website, blog, set of service offering and events, all focused on the enneagram.

I hope you check out Enneagram Lovers and subscribe to it if you love it. I sure do!

My journey to self-healing began when I cracked open my mom’s copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull at age 15. So what you’ll find on my list of resources are some unexpected things mixed among the proper Self-Help books.

As my first Teacher, Richard Bach, says, you have to go through life like a baleen whale, sucking in great gobs of seawater and searching for plankton of truth. Some books are a buffet and some contain just the one kernel you needed.

Enjoy and comment here with your favorite books (or movies or whatever) that turned the lights on inside of you.

Check out my recommendations.

We helped over thirty women get connected to something they wanted to change in their lives, release it, and then use positive intention to attract their hearts’ desires.

I just found a couple photos of this workshop on Laura’s interactive magazine WWISH and wanted to share some of the positive energy we generated that day.

As you evolve in your life, trying to learn to trust your intution, your path seems to become much less….dependable. And not so much a straight-down-the-line-to-where-you-can-see-the-end walkway. It’s more like an invisible yellow brick road. And nobody else can see it or feel it but you.

So how DO you know or learn to trust that you’re going the right way?

Karen Floyd of Innate Design and I talked about this today on my Emotions in Small Business radio show.

Here are a couple gems from our chat:

• Try to release the self-judgement that you’re being “fickle.”
  You have to follow your passion and find your happiness, or else no one (not your clients, your family, or you) will be happy.
• Recognize that a closed door is guidance, too.
  Rather than take your pickaxe to the wood, consider that maybe this a sign that you’d be better served doing something else.
• Reframe your definition of yourself.
  I loved Karen’s clarification that she’s not “abandoning” anything, she’s simply adding passions to her life and career.

Be sure to listen to the end of the show, when Karen shares her Four Questions that help her decide whether to follow any opportunity.  I thought they were beautifully phrased, easy to remember, and insightful enough to show me where I get tripped up sometimes in my decisions.

Do you ever think, “oh, so-and-so has been doing this longer, so I should refer out to him?”

There’s a fine line between listening to your integrity…and self-sabotaging.

If you want to hear more about this, tune in to my radio show where Kim Trimmer of Realize Your Radiance and I will talk about taking risks without being an expert.

This Thursday, Feb 26 at 3pm PST at www.blogtalkradio.com/rachelwhalley.

I’m always amazed by the serendipity and magic of life. I had thought this would be my last radio show…the spark seemed to have left and I figured why keep doing something that isn’t giving back to me on some level. I don’t expect to make any money on my show, but I’d better at least be enjoying myself and hopefully helping some people.

But with so few listeners and little feedback and dimishing enjoyment, I didn’t feel like I was getting any return on this show.

Then Spirit/Serendipity/Loki, or whatever you’d like to call it, jumped in and waggled its behind at me. Ha! Surprise caller! The show goes a little off the rails! And honestly, everything was better for it.

Yeah, I know this is the post where usually I talk about the content of the show, but this seems to be more important. Just like the show was sidetracked in the best way, so should my post about it be.

I think this was a huge reminder (I need them often, cause I forget important and profound things all the time). It was a reminder that when I try to force things to happen, to grab at any mood or idea or plan, I’m not aligned with my greatest good.

So what if I just hold my plans lightly? What if I believe in my goals and ideas, but I don’t get quite so committed to how they happen?

What if (ha! again) I remember to TRUST SPIRIT?!!!

When I did this, I found out a most useful thing about my radio show plan:

1) I’ll agree to do this show as long as the schedule keeps coming easily (my next guest for Feb 12th just fell into my lap right after I got off the air).
and more importantly,
2) I am NOT a stand-and-deliver speaker.

I realized this because I enjoyed this show more than any I’ve done so far, and I believe it’s precisely because we all went “off script.” Most of my talking points and plans went out the window once my mystery caller came on. And I LOVED what happened to the conversation once it did.

Yeah, I can deliver points, give a speech, what-have-you, if I need to. But I don’t really love it. And here’s the key point: it’s NOT my true calling.

But facilitating something new, a conversation that goes a little off into creativity, that generates some heat and some light and some new thoughts. Hells yeah! I’m into that!

So expect to hear something fresher and livelier from my next shows. I may make mistakes, be surprised and certainly less polished, but my guess is I’ll sound like I’m feeling more me. And I hope that’s what you all want to be hearing anyway.

**If you’re curious about the caller who became our additional guest on the show, you can listen in by scrolling down a bit and selecting the show called “Building Trust” in the media player on the right-hand side of this page.

In case you missed it, here’s the archived show I did today about the emotions around comparison and competition in small business life.

Here’s a summary of what I talked about:

When you’re in business for yourself, you need to look at who’s been there before you.What’s the competition doing and what is happening in the industry?

Trouble with that is most of us can get sidelined by negatively comparing ourselves to other people’s successes. It can look like this:

• “Man, she’s doing so well and it’s only been a couple years…why is it taking me so long to get that number of clients?”
• “I can’t believe so-and-so already has a book out…he’s so much more professional than me.”
• “Look at all those calls/sales/clients that he’s getting. Why didn’t I get that call?! All my business is going to him!”"

A lot of this negative thinking comes from a basic belief that there’s a finite amount of business out there (scarcity mentality), which can make any of us feel envious or even panicky. This belief drives the competition mindset, and from there, it’s only a small step to self-doubt and other sabotaging emotions.

So what can you do?

First, realign your beliefs and realize that you can choose to believe in abundant and unlimited resources. What’s helped me most is believing that no one out there can do it quite the way I can. Sure, there’s other therapists and healers out there, and there are certainly thousands of radio shows out there, but I bring my unique self to what I do, and that special combination is just what my potential clients were waiting for.

Next, stop devaluing your own accomplishments. Most of us diminish what we’ve done because, well, that was easy. I know, cause I’ve already done it.   Recognize that some people out there are looking at what you’ve done and are just as impressed/jealous/intimidated as you are about other people’s accomplishments. Successful business always looks more professional and amazing from the outside. So try and bring your “outside observer” perspective to your own business and achievements so you can really appreciate what you’ve done so far.

If you’re in that jealous competition mindset, try these tactics:

• Remember this is simply an emotional state. Emotions are temporary influences and you’re not always gonna feel like this. Sometimes you think you’re pretty cool, remember?!
• Remember that starting a business is a journey. The average business takes 3 to 5 years to become successful. 
• Get in touch with your personal supporters and receive the positive reinforcements they provide. Not only is it ok to need people to boost your mood, it’s pretty much required!

To prevent further hijacking by business success envy, try this:

• Before you start looking around at what your competitors are doing, prepare yourself for coping with this emotional state. Set yourself up mentally to track your own emotions and thoughts so you notice when you start going down a negative path. It’s easier to stop then.
• Remind yourself to keep an open mind. The most successful people in business, and in life, are those who remember that they are always open to learning. If you look at your colleagues’ successes as an open learner, you can see things as a lesson and perhaps find similar success, rather than fall into self-deprecation.
• Find community support of other people who are starting businesses. They’ll help you by providing validation of how you feel and keeping a realistic perspective.
• Lastly, give up the pressure and illusion of control. You can be doing everything right and still not have the success you want in the current moment. I believe that Spirit knows what it’s doing and I surrender to that higher power. It’s important for me to remember that I’m not doing this by myself…something greater is watching out for me.

Thanks to all who listened in. 

My next show is on Thursday, January 15th at 3pm Pacific Time, when I will be chatting with poet and freelance copyeditor Dorine Jennette.  I hope to chat with you then!

I am so fired up about letting people know that emotions are a crucial part of being in business for yourself (let alone of being human in general)! There are so many people who start a business and then get sideswiped by the unexpected emotional impact of it.

Take a listen to our discussion and please let me know what you think.